After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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