Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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