i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
