Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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