what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize