nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
