You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
