I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
