Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
