Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
