Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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