Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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