if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
