So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
