sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
