We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
