Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
