he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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