You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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