Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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