I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
