Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
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