she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
