If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
honey bunches of taint.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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