awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
