Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
