I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
