the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
