just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
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