Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
How's work?
Spinning.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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