Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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