I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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