i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
