Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
