I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
