Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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