I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
