just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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