There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
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So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
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Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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