No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
