How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
