Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
