I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
