I met the friendliest cop last night
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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