Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
