Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
someone owes me an orgasm
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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