I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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