everyone is single if you try hard enough
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
