oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
