the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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