I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
