his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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