I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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