So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
