My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
false alarm, still single
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize