The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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