I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
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once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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