So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i was born a porn star she said
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize