I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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