WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
