My room smells like vodka and shame
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
